Personal: Valentine's Day Kissing Booth

I have never known a greater love...

My Elijah, today is no exception: You just run my heart, little one. 

♥ Happy Valentine's Day!! ♥

Kissing Booths are hard work hu, buddy? 

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Wishing you all an amazingly LOVE-FILLED Valentine's Day! Muah! 

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Props/Credits: This kissing-booth idea was taken from Pinterest, but the tweaks I made were so easy! I hand cut the hearts from red & white card-stock and used permanent red marker on the clothes-pins to paint stripes. The small nickles were so fun for him to count and stack so it kept this 15-month-old entertained the whole time. (But I know that at the age of 2 I ate and swallowed a penny, so if you want to do something similar, just make sure you watch these little ones. ;) Luckily, Eli doesn't tend to put things in his mouth. Phew!) The frame was made by my father from reclaimed-barn-wood (and yes, we are SO CLOSE to opening our Etsy shop!). And a red-lipstick kiss on his face cost me nothing but restraint...it was so hard not to  smoother him in kisses. :-*

Personal: 30 years ...& our together

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To know you, is to LOVE you. --B.B. King

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I feel I have failed you on some level. In this world, we spend our days trying to live in the moment, but all too often rushing to the next thing. Wishing for another great adventure and always wanting more. I am guilty of this. And yet, feel some sort of pang in realizing that unlike in the "real world," I did NOT plan a huge birthday bash for you. It makes me sad.Officially today, you have graced this world for 30 amazing years. And I have been a part of almost 20 of them. Soon enough, we will have been together longer than we've been apart. It's a fact that makes me giddy just thinking about it. 

I wanted today to be special. More special than our other days. And trust me, I have more excuses reasons, as to why I couldn't pull it together and plan something sublime. But today, we will spend the majority of our day like any other: Together. In love.

...Funny how when I write that out, and really look at it, it suddenly...looks special. 

There won't be a big party, but we will make our own celebration. And the whole town will hear our laughter today. You are the best man I've ever known, my favorite person in the world, and the only one, I know, who is brave enough to walk this life with me. 

To your next 30 years. And the 30 after that. 

I am blessed to ever have known your love and will forever be smitten you. 

Happy 30th Birthday, J. 

Personal: Happy Birthday Eli

My heart is racing. Just thinking about where I was last year at this time. Where I was standing, thinking, doing, and waiting for... It's hard to believe a whole year has passed. And that one moment. Just ONE. Changed everything I'd ever known. 

I doubt after a year, I'll be able to say what I really want to. What I think I planned on saying to you after your very first year of life. I never really thought I'd be this way as a mommy. I never, honestly, though I could love someone as much as I have loved your daddy. I was told, over and over again, how it would scare me how much love I'd feel for someone I'd never met. And truthfully, they were right. Although the first week with you was hard. Because I really didn't know you. I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that you were actually mine. That daddy and I had helped create you!  You'd look at me with those sweet blue eyes and I'd cry. Mostly because I didn't know how to comprehend the feelings inside me. And that's because while everyone was SO right about how much I'd love you, they were mostly wrong about how you were going to act. I'd prepared myself for a long, hard year of sleepless nights. Crying fits, tantrums, and possibly hospital runs because you were so very fragile. I was sure you'd get hurt a lot or catch one too many colds. Or get awful fevers like your daddy did when he was little... But you didn't. And you slept like an angel from day one. You have only been sick once that I can remember, and it only lasted for three days. And your baby hair never fell out and your eyes never turned brown like everyone said. You never had a colicky fit and you never woke up in the middle of the night. Ever. I know so many mommys probably hate me because of how so very easy you have been. And I probably would too if you weren't mine. I wouldn't even believe such a baby could be like this. Truth is, I didn't believe it either. But you have changed everything I've ever thought about babies. About being a mother. About being a good person. 

I have been asked recently, on more than one occasion, if I'm feeling the itch to have another baby. I have thought so very much about this and the truth is...as so very perfect you are, I want to keep it that way for awhile. I want to spoil you and make sure I gobble up every single bit of baby you can give me while you're still little. I selfishly don't want to miss a single thing! And what to hear another truth? I don't want to push my luck! ;) I can't imagine that God would be so kind as to give me another perfect baby like you. Especially since I was so very scared initially that I wouldn't be able to even have you. But you are here. You are mine. And I love you so much it hurts. I just never thought it could be this way! 

Happy 1st Birthday my precious Eli!

Personal: It's you.

The other night, we walked to our car on a warm summer evening. A small breeze was blowing, but you could still feel heat on the pavement. You held my hand and we laughed a little about it...since we hardly ever have time for hand-holding. You opened the door for me and then I watched you walk around the front of the car to your door. It felt like a whole minute had passed before you got back in. And just like in the movies, the inside of the car was so silent, I could hear my own heartbeat. I've always admired you. And I love watching you from a distance. The air inside the car must have been a perfect 76 degrees. The greatest temperature ever created. When you finally joined me, I blurted out: "It's crazy J, because I don't know if it's just the air in here or the specific temperature change from out there to in here, but I feel like someone just put a blanket around my shoulders. I wasn't even cold, but the air feels so good, it's like those chilly nights when you think you might be getting cold, but a simple little sweater makes all the difference." I was totally lost in deep thought. And possibly ruined the moment. But, you smiled at me sweetly and said. "Yep, I totally agree." And it might have been then, yea I guess it was then, that I knew it was actually you that made me feel that way. The same way I do when a rare, lazy-day comes around...the ones where you get to sit in front of the television on a snow day and cuddle up to a blanket? Or the first day you light a pumpkin candle in the window. Or the nights you driven home in the rain and watch the streetlights drop off in waterfall reflections on the pavement...and yet you can't quite ever reach them. The same feeling I get sipping hot cocoa at a high school football game. Just the same as snuggling under the covers on a cold night. You do that for me: Give me those good goosebumps and make me feel cozy, just by being around you.

I can hardly believe that 9 years has escaped us. It seems more realistic to think about a long 9 minutes. Time does that to me. As soon as it's over, it doesn't seem like it's hardly ticked by to begin with. I love that about us. 

Thank you for making me feel cozy. Thank you for making me a mommy. And thank you for making me so darn happy. 

Happy 9th Anniversary, my love. Here's to the next 99.  

Personal: Just being here.

Today, 70 people were injured in a movie theater shooting. 12 were killed. Today, I have a hard time thinking about bringing you up in a world full of hate and scary things. How will I ever protect you? How will I ever be okay with the rate in which you grow in eagerness to show me how independent you are? Today, I hugged you more than usual...which is pretty hard considering there aren't many hours you're even awake! And today, I kissed you again and again, even when you tried to get away. You have changed me. And softened me. And today, I loved you the same as always, because this love has already taken up all the empty space. I thank God that you are mine; and that today you are here.

9 months and the love of my life are you. 

When we go to the tree nursery these days, you SCREAM at the top of your lungs, "AT! AT! AT!!" when you see daddy's big tractors. You love this little one of your own...and will learn to drive daddy's in no time! ;) 

Eli Armani, I love you. And that's the beginning of our story.