Personal: It's you.

The other night, we walked to our car on a warm summer evening. A small breeze was blowing, but you could still feel heat on the pavement. You held my hand and we laughed a little about it...since we hardly ever have time for hand-holding. You opened the door for me and then I watched you walk around the front of the car to your door. It felt like a whole minute had passed before you got back in. And just like in the movies, the inside of the car was so silent, I could hear my own heartbeat. I've always admired you. And I love watching you from a distance. The air inside the car must have been a perfect 76 degrees. The greatest temperature ever created. When you finally joined me, I blurted out: "It's crazy J, because I don't know if it's just the air in here or the specific temperature change from out there to in here, but I feel like someone just put a blanket around my shoulders. I wasn't even cold, but the air feels so good, it's like those chilly nights when you think you might be getting cold, but a simple little sweater makes all the difference." I was totally lost in deep thought. And possibly ruined the moment. But, you smiled at me sweetly and said. "Yep, I totally agree." And it might have been then, yea I guess it was then, that I knew it was actually you that made me feel that way. The same way I do when a rare, lazy-day comes around...the ones where you get to sit in front of the television on a snow day and cuddle up to a blanket? Or the first day you light a pumpkin candle in the window. Or the nights you driven home in the rain and watch the streetlights drop off in waterfall reflections on the pavement...and yet you can't quite ever reach them. The same feeling I get sipping hot cocoa at a high school football game. Just the same as snuggling under the covers on a cold night. You do that for me: Give me those good goosebumps and make me feel cozy, just by being around you.

I can hardly believe that 9 years has escaped us. It seems more realistic to think about a long 9 minutes. Time does that to me. As soon as it's over, it doesn't seem like it's hardly ticked by to begin with. I love that about us. 

Thank you for making me feel cozy. Thank you for making me a mommy. And thank you for making me so darn happy. 

Happy 9th Anniversary, my love. Here's to the next 99.  

Personal: Hiding the Cape

I sat there hoping no one had noticed it was missing. And surely if they had, was it even possible they'd know that I had it? In my desk?! I mean, how often does anyone look at those old pictures anyway?  My 7th grade hand kept writing. I sat in Mr. Johnson's class that year with only 4 other kids. Giddily I laughed to myself during a test because I'd taken your picture--your class confirmation picture--off the wall of the school's hallway and stuck it in my desk. Only my two closest friends knew it was in there, but every time I had to reach for a pencil, pull out a folder, or put my things away, there you were: staring up at me through an old framed piece of glass. I thought for sure, you were looking right at me. And how it was that I was going to land you, even though you were now a cool, public-school-8th-grader, I didn't quite know. But I was going to keep a picture of you in my mind (and maybe my desk!) until I figured it out. You were everything I thought I wanted...

...until I got you. And then you made me cry. I stared up at the ceiling the night you brought me home after our first official date in the 12th grade. It had been somewhat of a blind date because even though you'd known OF me all these years, you didn't really know me. And while I had studied your face and every move for half my life, I hadn't really known you either. I laid in bed that night crying. A tear stained pillow held my crazy-smiling head. I had no idea how I'd done it, but I knew I'd made an impression on you. I don't think I slept at all that night. All these years, all I wanted was a chance. And you had been more than I'd ever imagined. You were everything I thought I wanted.

...it's just that even I didn't know you'd become more that even that. I had no idea you'd also be capable of becoming the greatest daddy a little boy could ever have. You dote on our child when you're with him and never back out on a chance for that to occur. You offer to hold him, feed him, change him, play with him, and snuggle him, melting my heart. During our first few weeks home as a new family, you got up with me, at every-single-night-feeding, just to be with us. A few times, I stumbled upon a clean kitchen after an early morning feeding, or a dinner-filled table after I'd laid him down for the night. I love hearing you two laughing at the littlest of things. And the way you scream at me to come see how far he's scooted across the room. And every so often, I brush a small tear from my cheek when, through the baby monitor, I overhear the little things you tell him about me. Your devotion to being a father is something I wasn't sure was possible. How a single person can uphold so many positions without failing any of them amazes me. And I wonder if you are secretly hiding a cape under your shirt when you leave for work each morning. 

You, my love, are the single (aside from Eli!) greatest joy of my life. And I can't wait to hear our little boy tell his friends one day that his daddy is better than theirs. For in my heart, I'll smile because he's probably right! 

Happy Father's Day my love! We love you more than life. And we both adore you.