Personal: 30 years ...& our together

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To know you, is to LOVE you. --B.B. King

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I feel I have failed you on some level. In this world, we spend our days trying to live in the moment, but all too often rushing to the next thing. Wishing for another great adventure and always wanting more. I am guilty of this. And yet, feel some sort of pang in realizing that unlike in the "real world," I did NOT plan a huge birthday bash for you. It makes me sad.Officially today, you have graced this world for 30 amazing years. And I have been a part of almost 20 of them. Soon enough, we will have been together longer than we've been apart. It's a fact that makes me giddy just thinking about it. 

I wanted today to be special. More special than our other days. And trust me, I have more excuses reasons, as to why I couldn't pull it together and plan something sublime. But today, we will spend the majority of our day like any other: Together. In love.

...Funny how when I write that out, and really look at it, it suddenly...looks special. 

There won't be a big party, but we will make our own celebration. And the whole town will hear our laughter today. You are the best man I've ever known, my favorite person in the world, and the only one, I know, who is brave enough to walk this life with me. 

To your next 30 years. And the 30 after that. 

I am blessed to ever have known your love and will forever be smitten you. 

Happy 30th Birthday, J. 

Personal: It's you.

The other night, we walked to our car on a warm summer evening. A small breeze was blowing, but you could still feel heat on the pavement. You held my hand and we laughed a little about it...since we hardly ever have time for hand-holding. You opened the door for me and then I watched you walk around the front of the car to your door. It felt like a whole minute had passed before you got back in. And just like in the movies, the inside of the car was so silent, I could hear my own heartbeat. I've always admired you. And I love watching you from a distance. The air inside the car must have been a perfect 76 degrees. The greatest temperature ever created. When you finally joined me, I blurted out: "It's crazy J, because I don't know if it's just the air in here or the specific temperature change from out there to in here, but I feel like someone just put a blanket around my shoulders. I wasn't even cold, but the air feels so good, it's like those chilly nights when you think you might be getting cold, but a simple little sweater makes all the difference." I was totally lost in deep thought. And possibly ruined the moment. But, you smiled at me sweetly and said. "Yep, I totally agree." And it might have been then, yea I guess it was then, that I knew it was actually you that made me feel that way. The same way I do when a rare, lazy-day comes around...the ones where you get to sit in front of the television on a snow day and cuddle up to a blanket? Or the first day you light a pumpkin candle in the window. Or the nights you driven home in the rain and watch the streetlights drop off in waterfall reflections on the pavement...and yet you can't quite ever reach them. The same feeling I get sipping hot cocoa at a high school football game. Just the same as snuggling under the covers on a cold night. You do that for me: Give me those good goosebumps and make me feel cozy, just by being around you.

I can hardly believe that 9 years has escaped us. It seems more realistic to think about a long 9 minutes. Time does that to me. As soon as it's over, it doesn't seem like it's hardly ticked by to begin with. I love that about us. 

Thank you for making me feel cozy. Thank you for making me a mommy. And thank you for making me so darn happy. 

Happy 9th Anniversary, my love. Here's to the next 99.  

...like apple pie & 90210...

It's your day!! My best friend, it's your birthday. You're the single greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Ever. I wonder sometimes, how did I land you? I mean, I'm pretty freakin' great I think, but you...you're amazing. I think about how when we fight, we fight. But when we love, we love. It's never in-between for you and I. We always speak our minds. Say 100% percent whatever we're thinking. Wrong or right. Hurtful or not. The thing is...it's molded us into one awkwardly perfect couple. We go together. Fit together. Like a glove. Like apple pie and 90210. The C and the Blurd. And we work together. Every waking moment of our lives. And it's perfect. I wish everyone could know such love.

I think back to what made you so amazing in the first place. And when did I fall in love? Perhaps it was when

*you started sweating the first time we held hands at the roller-rink

*we snuck away at a halloween party to share hot-wings in the bathroom as kids

*you picked me up for our first date, with the biggest bouquet of flowers i'd ever seen

*you braided my hair in the back of a bus in the 7th grade

*or when you left me notes on my car in highschool

*you bought me my very first digital camera in the 12th grade...and told me I was an amazing photographer

*you parked once on top of a mountain...just so we could talk

*you wore my thumb ring on your ring finger because i was yours

*you wrote me a letter each day i was gone visiting colleges.

*you sat at all my games in high school...watching me sit the bench because of a loser coach

*or when you broke into my basement bedroom to decorate it while I was in class

*you ran out of gas on the highway and had to physically run a mile to the gas-station

*you ran out of gas for the 4th time since we'd met

*you told me my hair looked awful in platinum

*or when you paid for my haircut shortly after because I was broke

*you employed both of my brothers, creating a bond a girl only dreams her "boys" would share

*you listened for hours on the phone about how I was lonely in Cali with no friends

*you surprised me with a visit the day after i'd surprised you!

*you surprised me with a car for graduation and a smirk that said, babe, nothing is out of the question.

*or when you delivered a note from the "dogs" on my 24th birthday...and i cried

*it could be because you watch 90210 with me religiously

*or when I found out you were a snuggler

*you started setting the alarm for church

*you dressed up for halloween whenever i wanted

*you gave my 83 year old grandfather your undivided attention while he reminisced about life

*or the time you called me on the phone just to tell me you'd almost hit a bird while driving and were entirely upset about it

*you supported my every dream...then made them a reality

*you refused to buy me Kay pendants

*you listened to Lady Gaga on repeat before she was famous

*we ate rocket for dinner in Fiji

*you let me play with a kangaroo for hours in OZ

*or when you prayed with me the night I swore the cruise ship was going down in the Tasman sea

*you put up with three mattress exchanges when we switched beds...no one does that

*or when you comfort me when i'm sad for no reason...on my birthday(s)

*you came to watch me walk my first fashion-show

*you road a gondola with me on our 7th anniversary in Venice

*or when we had the worst anniversary dinner ever

*we rode a bus for 5 hours a day in Europe...just so we could stop in a place for five minutes and take pictures

*you made me laugh so hard i cried myself into coughing fits

*you walked into the room...

It's hard because there are so many things we've done, shared, seen, dreamed, and accomplished together...and I hate that I can't remember them all. All I know--that I'm more sure of than anything in this world--is that I love you. More than I can say. More than I can express, and more than you'll ever understand.

Hang on boy! Our lives are only going to get better.

I wish you the happiest birthday ever my love!

xo, Shanny