Personal: Hiding the Cape
I sat there hoping no one had noticed it was missing. And surely if they had, was it even possible they'd know that I had it? In my desk?! I mean, how often does anyone look at those old pictures anyway? My 7th grade hand kept writing. I sat in Mr. Johnson's class that year with only 4 other kids. Giddily I laughed to myself during a test because I'd taken your picture--your class confirmation picture--off the wall of the school's hallway and stuck it in my desk. Only my two closest friends knew it was in there, but every time I had to reach for a pencil, pull out a folder, or put my things away, there you were: staring up at me through an old framed piece of glass. I thought for sure, you were looking right at me. And how it was that I was going to land you, even though you were now a cool, public-school-8th-grader, I didn't quite know. But I was going to keep a picture of you in my mind (and maybe my desk!) until I figured it out. You were everything I thought I wanted...
...until I got you. And then you made me cry. I stared up at the ceiling the night you brought me home after our first official date in the 12th grade. It had been somewhat of a blind date because even though you'd known OF me all these years, you didn't really know me. And while I had studied your face and every move for half my life, I hadn't really known you either. I laid in bed that night crying. A tear stained pillow held my crazy-smiling head. I had no idea how I'd done it, but I knew I'd made an impression on you. I don't think I slept at all that night. All these years, all I wanted was a chance. And you had been more than I'd ever imagined. You were everything I thought I wanted.
...it's just that even I didn't know you'd become more that even that. I had no idea you'd also be capable of becoming the greatest daddy a little boy could ever have. You dote on our child when you're with him and never back out on a chance for that to occur. You offer to hold him, feed him, change him, play with him, and snuggle him, melting my heart. During our first few weeks home as a new family, you got up with me, at every-single-night-feeding, just to be with us. A few times, I stumbled upon a clean kitchen after an early morning feeding, or a dinner-filled table after I'd laid him down for the night. I love hearing you two laughing at the littlest of things. And the way you scream at me to come see how far he's scooted across the room. And every so often, I brush a small tear from my cheek when, through the baby monitor, I overhear the little things you tell him about me. Your devotion to being a father is something I wasn't sure was possible. How a single person can uphold so many positions without failing any of them amazes me. And I wonder if you are secretly hiding a cape under your shirt when you leave for work each morning.
You, my love, are the single (aside from Eli!) greatest joy of my life. And I can't wait to hear our little boy tell his friends one day that his daddy is better than theirs. For in my heart, I'll smile because he's probably right!
Happy Father's Day my love! We love you more than life. And we both adore you.
